How To Reduce Bully Aggressiveness
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Take The Menace Out Of Dennis
Many children go through a period between the ages of 2 and 4. When they relate to hitting, kicking, and biting they are forms of communication. Often their way of say ing, I?m hungry, or I want that. Without the language, or social skills to get what they want, they?re likely to express their frustration with flying fists, or sharp baby teeth.
Although it?s a normal development stage, aggression can become a way of life.
Kids who don?t learn to replace their violent eruptions with more civilized behavior, such as sharing, turn talking and verbal negotiating often go on to become full- time bullies.
Fighting gets them what they want, but makes them feared, and unpopular.
If your child is going through this phase, he?ll probably get over it before long. But just to nudge his progress along, here are some useful tips, to help your child curb his aggressive tendencies.
Love That Victim.
If you witness your preschooler striking another, make his first move towards the victim. Pick the victim up and say ?Jimmy didn?t mean to hurt you? Give the victim a big hug and kiss. Then take him out of the room. What you?re doing, is depriving your son a playmate, attention, and you all at the same time. Suddenly his fun is gone, and he?s all alone. Usually it doesn?t take but two or three responses like that, until the aggressor realizes that being the aggressor isn?t in his best interest.
BUT PARENTS NEED TO GET INVOLVED. DON?T JUST SIT BACK ON THE SIDE LINES AND WATCH!
Lay That Law down.
Early on get your child used to the rules. Just say we do not hit, we do not hurt. Children age four and older, the law may be a little more detailed. You could say. "In our house if you want a toy, you ask". If the person doesn?t want to give it to you, then you wait.
Be Their Guardian Angel.
Children who strike out physically, often cannot control their tempe. These children need to be reminded frequently of the house rules. Parents you need to be your child?s guardian angel. When your child?s aggression starts to escalate, point out to him what he is doing. Give him alternatives. Say in this situation you may feel like hitting. But that?s not okay. You can tell me when you?re angry, or want to hit someone. But it is not okay to do it.
Beware Of The Roaring Mouth.
Don?t over look verbal aggression. It?s usually the starter of something bigger.
Your child could have a mouth, that pushes a button, causing playmates to strike back.
When that happens, be careful not to blame the hitter, and allow the instigator to go free. .
The child who speaks aggressively, and starts throwing verbal punches, should also be reprimanded.
Call time Out.
Set a timer. A cooling off period is often effective, to changing bad behavior.
Younger children should be placed on a chair, away from any distractions.
Older children should be sent to their room.
THIS IS NOT A GAME!
Make sure they understand you want the whole family to be happy.
So until they can control their hitting they will have to sit, or stay in their room.
Praise Good Efforts.
When your child responds in an appropriate way, make sure you reinforce it.
Say. "I like the way you did that, or that makes mommy very happy".
Forget saying that?s a good boy, or girl.
These words are lost with children. Say "it made me feel so great on the inside, when I saw you sharing with your little brother".
That kind of praise means a lot to a child.
It makes them feel like they have an impact on you.
Create Scenarios for Success.
A child who bullies others learns very quickly, that physical aggression has only limited success. It may get him the toy he wants, or a turn on the swing. But that?s it. This is the child that ends up friendless, and lonely.
This is when they find other alternatives to
If your child is always beating up on children at the playground, then get him involved in other activities. Urge him to ask nicely if he can play ball with the kids. Or better yet, let him stand around the field. Then if the ball goes out of bounds he can toss it back., until he?s asked to play.
Use Force Only As A Last Result.
Restraint is only used when your child is putting himself, or someone else in danger.
Approach the child from behind. Pulling both arms down. Wrap your legs around his, and keep your chin away from his head. Restraint could increase rage in some children.
Others find it reassuring that you can control them.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU HOLD YOUR CHILD IN A NONAGGRESSIVE WAY,
SO HE DOESN?T FEEL HE?S BEING ATTACKED.
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