Depression/Self-harm

Depressed? Lonely? Need someone to talk to?

Bonnie's expert website

Depressed? Lonely? Fed up?

I know how you feel. Been there. Done it.

Need advice? Help? Someone to talk to?

Come here.

I know physciatrists and charitys like barnardos and child line suck. Gone through every single one.

Why don't i tell you my story. And how i overcome it...

I have been neglected by my parents, almost killed by my parents, almost killed by my sister. Bullied in primary, neglected all over again. And had very little friends. I was fat in primary due to my hormones not being normal. I started my periods when i was 5 and got injections that have now almost completely stopped my growth and periods. Even after they stopped giving me them. I now hate doctors as i have migraines, dizzy spells, impared glucose, and un able to grow (height wise) and unable to have kids.

Bullying actually helped! But it is NOT the way people should be treated.
Bullying ruins peoples lives. Ruins there confidence and self-esteem. But i managed to starve myself, became thin, and stook up for my friend that was also being bullied. We ended up being friends in the first few years of high school!

In high school things were better. The most amazing year happened to me in 2007-2008.
I had a boyfriend i was in love with and went out with for almost a year. But due to my own mistakes i lost him.
I had a bestfriend who was the most amazing girl in the world.
But it changed when i grew up and she stayed immature.
They made me believe that it was all my fault. So i began self-harming. Wishing myself to die. Soon i began solvent abusing. i now have palpatations and my resting pulse rate is 100. And i have gotten alot stupider.
I then realised that it was THEM that were physcos. My ex-boyfriend cut open my arm because i thought it would make him happier. He got charged for assault. I was sad at first. But that's when my life changed!.
My guidance teacher became nicer, she referred me to barnardos, yes i was still being abused by my ex-boyfriend and others. But it was slightly better.
Untill barnardos started blackmailing. They didn't understand. But the blackmailing made me stop solvent abusing and cutting. Now i'm petrified of doing that again!.
I had arguements alot, because they complained i didnt argue and i wasnt sticking up for myself. When i argued. They told me i was being worse than them. So what am i ment to do?
But i continued just reasoning & sticking up for myself.
My ex best friend humilated me. Got the whole year to surround me while she tried to batter me. I didn't care that everyone laughed at me. I ignored them and laughed with them.
My ex boyfriend told my ex friends all my secrets. And they mocked me for them. It hurt. But i learned to learn from my past. And also learned not to dwell on the past.
However my counciler from Barnardos got me into the dundee rep theatre. And it has filled me up the empty space with hope. And one day. I will succeed in my dream as being a theatre preformer. My primary school teacher and the nurse, who was like a second mum to me said something i would never forget "Do not give up what your good at, bonnie." At times i have. But i stuck to those words.

I now have no friends at school, just people i talk to, i have a friend outside school who i hardly see cause she never bothers to see me. And i never leave my house cause im petrified of the outside world. But i don't care. I spend all my days and hours on my laptop. And that's what pulls me through the day. And one day i will concure my fears and go out in that outside world. Find my love of my life, my true friend, and i will follow my dream of being a theatre preformer. I will succeed for my friends, and those who noticed and cared for me.

Not many have the courage to stand up to things and i understand that.
That's why i'm here to help.

Author: Bonnie

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depression, lonely, sad, unhappy, self-harm, drug

Last Updated: Jul 6th 2010

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