OK so here's the deal.
You have a new product to push in the media, but the traditional areas aren't giving much "traction" and there is little interest. Oh no, what to do?
Well, your trusty marketing department suggest a novel spin... get an expert to endorse some new equation that you just came up with on the back of an envelope and try to get loads of free column inches in newspapers and you don't even have to pay for your publicity! Result!
Yes, there is an equation that describes the saddest or worst day of the year. And the best. The perfect amount of salt and vinegar to put on your chips. The ideal number of pieces of toilet paper to use the morning after last nights curry and much more besides (probably).
Now I can barely contain my excitement at revealing the latest equation, this is the equation of all equations. It describes accurately how useful any given equation you see in a newspaper is. Are you ready? Be warned this is so accurate I am almost trembling with excitement writing this:
(A x Ni x 0 x phd x Rt) = V
This is explained as follows:
A = The number of parts to the equation. This one has five, this is moderately good.
Ni = The Newspaper Index of course. Score 1 for a broadsheet, 2 for anything that is neither a broadsheet nor a tabloid, 3 for a tabloid
phd = Ranking of the qualification of the quoted person behind the equation. Score 0 for no qualification (tip: everyone associated with such a story will in fact have some qualification), 1 for Masters degree or lower, 2 for a Doctorate, 3 for a Professor.
Rt = Number of people quoted as being part of the team that came up with the equation
V = Value of the equation, that is how useful to humanity it actually is.
I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the results whichever equation you choose to input.
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